The passing of Andrew Koenig prompted me to write this, but it’s something that will apply to plenty of people.

I have dealt with suicidal, unipolar depression and I take medication daily to treat it. On two separate occasions over the past seven years, I’ve had two episodes that were severe…

Rob Delaney is a good guy and a good comic who lives here in LA. we talk sometimes, mostly about hobo-themed repetitive stress injuries. (long story) recently a mutual friend/acquaintance named Andrew Koenig disappeared and committed suicide in Vancouver BC. this has shocked and saddened so many people around here. Rob wrote a lovely piece on depression and i wanted to add my thoughts to it. so here they are, reposted from “a special internet message board dot net”

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i didn’t want to post this but if it helps someone out there then i feel like i really should say it. i lost my dad to suicide, brought on in part by bipolar disorder, in 2001. he was 45 and i was 16. even after being hospitalized twice to deal with the aftereffects of grief, trauma, depression, all that whiny crap etc., i still refused to take my own medication consistently or be under a doctor’s care for about 8 years. a lot of it was ridiculously awful, and there were days and weeks where i couldn’t get out of bed or leave the house. a lot of days, the only talking i could do was to my friends on AST. last year i decided i had finally had enough, or i got enough of a kick in the ass from my friends/family to take care of myself, or i got tired of feeling like a hypocrite - maybe all 3 - anyway, i’ve been back under a doctor’s care since november. i feel like i kind of robbed myself of almost 10 years of my life for not really any good reason.

i’m saying this because i also had the realization in january that if i only live to be as old as my dad, then that means i have less than 20 years to kick ass and be awesome. one of the things about suicide is it will absolutely mess up your friends and family for a long time. but the other thing is it will also remind your friends and family in the most horrible way possible that they also have a limited time on this planet, and they need to make the most of it, especially because their loved one can’t make the most of it anymore. in a way it was almost like some sort of sick gift. i don’t know how to explain it without sounding like some sort of macabre motherfucker. if there’s two things you learn when someone close to you commits suicide, it’s that EVERYONE that person was close to is affected, and that a lot more people will be hurt by it than the person ever could have realized.

basically, everything rob said in his thing, you should really take to heart. depression can be dealt with. you’re not going to feel like this forever. also, writing all this down made me kind of want to puke, but whatever. i hope it helps someone.