a celebrity throws a fit and the internet goes bonkers, news at 11

i think performing and writing standup comedy is one of the hardest things i’ve ever done in my life, which is why i don’t do it anymore. i have the utmost respect for people who do. part of being a good performer is being able to look past a distraction, or acknowledge it in a non-obtrusive way and then move on. I DON’T THINK PATTON OSWALT DID THIS AND I THINK HE IS DELIBERATELY BEING A REAL DINK ABOUT HIS BEHAVIOR.

taping someone without their permission is never ok. neither is throwing a fit! barbara grey recounts the night’s events very well on her blog. here is an excerpt:

The room instantly filled up with more audience members as Patton took the stage. He did his new stuff and was most of the way through a bit about a hooker, when he noticed a woman in the second row filming him. Here’s a rough transcript of what I could hear from the back. This is very paired down, but it’s the basic idea of what transpired:

Patton: Excuse me, are you filming me?

Woman: Yes.

Patton: Could you not do that?

Woman: You’re going to want that whole chunk on tape, that was perfect.

Patton: Well I have that whole chunk. I’m working on it for a special and it ruins it if you upload video of it.

Woman: I’ll delete it right now.

Patton: See people do this and they’re being assholes. You don’t realize you’re being an asshole but you’re being an asshole.

perhaps the asshole move was pressing the issue when someone said “i’ll delete it right now”, ding dong. now everyone on twitter has their panties in a bunch and i can’t read my basketball tweets. patton’s all like “well i was doing this show FOR FREE to work out new material.” meanwhile everyone else on the show gets hella paid to read sniglets. jesus christ asshole, nobody gets paid to do comedy in la! the one time i met jamie kennedy (this is an extremely poor example) he was waving around his 25 dollar check for doing a set at the laugh factory. THAT IS A LOT OF MONEY TO DO COMEDY IN LA. NOBODY GETS PAID. EVERYONE HAS NEW MATERIAL. CAPITAL LETTERS. DID YOU KNOW JAMIE KENNEDY GETS PAID TO DO COMEDY?

one time (2005?) i went through a horrible, soul-crushing depressive episode. the kind where you don’t get out of bed for a week unless it’s to use the toilet and even then it’s like “is it even worth it to go pee in the toilet, i probably deserve to lie on a urine-soaked mattress.” midway through this shitty black cloud, my friend tells me he’s gotten me a ticket to go see louis ck. somehow i drag myself out to cobbs and we end up with front row seats. louis ck always has new material. fucker writes a new hour every year. i am in the front row and i know how funny this shit is and yet i can’t laugh. i can’t even smile. i look like hell, like i’ve been crying for like a week into a pee pillow. a front row person who isn’t laughing at your comedy is distracting and terrible, if you are on stage! i have seen comics call people out for it. it is an awful way to derail your set and kill momentum. (please see “robin williams v. [white guy sitting in front row at ucb who didn’t laugh]” for a shining example) i think louis knows this, because even though i was sitting 4 feet away from him for an hour staring at his face and wishing that a light would fall on me and put me out of my misery, he did not do the weiner thing and stop his set to say “hey, what’s your deal?” he looked elsewhere and continued telling his excellent jokes. 2 weeks later i got laid and now everything is perfect.

i am not suggesting that patton should have ignored the taping lady, or that she was ok to tape his set without permission. i think the professional thing to do would have been to say “hey, that’s not ok. please stop” and then CONTINUE TELLING YOUR STUPID NEW JOKES SO THAT THE OTHER COMICS CAN ENJOY YOUR COMEDY MOMENTUM. it fucking sucks to derail a show and get all awkward. it is a weiner move to make fun of someone after they leave. don’t even get me started on the double chin bullshit. obviously it came from a place of insecurity and emotions. i think he acted like an asshole and is attempting to mask that by being like “but she started it because taaaaaapes.” get over it you big baby and act like a professional comic. you know, one who gets paid to do comedy.

sources: http://barbaragray.tumblr.com/post/15420368620/that-one-time-when-patton-oswalt-was-an-asshole - barbara gray (who was excited about patton dropping in, and is unnecessarily being shit on by internet jerks. also, she’s fucking funny and smart, read her stuff)

http://twitter.com/pattonoswalt - patton oswalt (ratatoing, the stuff on the comedians of comedy dvd that isn’t me talking about andy kindler)